Monday, July 27, 2015

Blessings, in the waiting room.

People have asked where we are with our adoption process.

We are in the waiting room.

The still, quiet, waiting room.

Oh, hey there, you fellow adopting parent, I see you in here too, welcome here in this room while we pass the time together.

Our family waits together, each in our own way. We are prayerful, and stepping out in faith, and to be honest, just about in the same place as we were a year ago.

The agency picnic was a recent summer treat, a wonderful joyous time, and it was nice to see our Social Worker who supports us and answers all the questions while we wait. This was pleasant, a reminder that each little footstep is in deed that>> tiny but >> forward motion. 

We are at the beginning. Still. And that is ok.

Broken record time: It is the financial hurdle holding back our footsteps; Not to raise the child, but to pay the fees as they come around for this process, so we have decided on purpose to go slowly and to keep following His lead, even if we wait.

With Phoebe's adoption I was GO GO GO GO,  get it done yesterday, leap now, worry later!!

This time I have a calmness, a patience and a peace.

Will I, and do I, feel calm all the time about these circumstances? Not at all.
That is my human answer.

I know once we have the financial ability to move forward, to jump into paper work, and actually get "a move on", I will be trying to fly faster and faster........for now we w.a.i.t.

**BUT** I serve a God who knows every hair on my head, and Kevin's and Phoebe's and, as Phoebe has recently dubbed the hopeful new addition "small Chinese person", too.  

I try very hard not to talk to her that much about this person, but she knows. She is a smart and inquisitive 4 year old, who is ALL about her family and wanting to be part of all the discussions, the hopes, the dreams, the family dance. (And she is one awesome fb auction assistant!)

She knows "adoption" in the way that she can, and just the same "Chinese". It took me by surprise when she suddenly realized yesterday that this child, if he or she comes home to us, will be Chinese "LIKE ME??!!" (insert HUGE smile face whilst jumping on the bed, and **gasping**)

Amazing, the love and the tenderness I felt in my heart at that moment, watching her put two and two together. She dancing with absolute glee, me having one of those mothering moments wrought with such emotion, a lump in my throat tinged with joy and sorrow.  "Yes, baby, like you".

Patience yes, but in a flash an all consuming yearning for that child to be home now, in an instant, in a moment when big sister is rejoicing over YOU and bonding with you in her very real moment; a mother's heart for all orphans pounding in her chest, and this mother's heart wanting YOU in my arms NOW.

But ....oh.... yes....the waiting room.

Thank you, Jesus, I praise you while I wait.

I know if this is Your will that You will provide.

Crafts, bracelets, auctions, it all seems insignificant when we talk about a life...but it is how I can try to help, it is how I can DO this, if at all. It is how I can be your hands and feet even if I feel like I am floundering. Even if I sometimes I feel like I am yelling loudly, alone, in a sound proofed room.

I know you hear each prayer. I know you see significance in each small thing.

Therefore, in the meantime, while I wait I will do so actively.  How is that for an oxymoron?

Adoption is riddled with oxymorons.

I will keep going way, way out of my comfort zone to ask, to tell, to show, and when I feel forgotten or let down, to do it all again. To try to teach, and to share your heart for the orphans.


To hope for our family's growth though the MIRACLE of adoption.

Yes, I wait on miracles, because my Abba is a miracle worker.

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